Much like the rest of Aotearoa, I’ve spent the last few days sitting, waiting for a text.

I told myself many years ago, when I would still respond to 2am messages with kindness and love that wasn’t deserved, that I would never sit around waiting for someone to text me again. But here I am, some five or six years on. And I can’t shake the lingering feeling in my gut that the worst is yet to come.

I’ve recently moved into a new flat in central Auckland, where I live with six others (and three cats). We all go about our various lives, but I’m conscious that they need to start to get on with theirs safely too.

I guess what I want to say is that it feels really hard right now. I know this is just the beginning of days to come too. I’m frustrated and angry and annoyed and, more than anything, completely and utterly powerless. I don’t have the option to put my phone on flight mode and get on with my life like I could for boys who left me brokenhearted.

But with that in mind, you won’t catch me camping on the Parliament lawn any time soon. Hand in hand with Nazi sympathisers. In fact, I can promise wholeheartedly that you never will.

Because at the end of the day, as much as it sucks for me right now, it’s not about me. It’s about us – all of us. 

So I’m going to sit here, and continue to wait.

I hope you’re taking care out there x

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